Becoming a mother at such a young age has definitely molded me into the woman I am today.
The day I found out I was going to be a mother for the first time, my emotions were like a roller coaster ride. I cried, laughed, I was confused, and extremely terrified. I had no idea what I was going to do. All I could do was prepare myself, and at eighteen how do you do that? I even thought, wouldn’t be nice if the Doctor gave me a handbook at the time of delivery. That’s how naïve and immature I was. Honestly, that would have made motherhood much easier.
When I went into labor, I was only twenty-eight weeks pregnant. I had no idea what was happening, I literately thought I had peed on myself. Wow was I wrong, it was my water breaking. I rushed to the hospital, and three days later via C-section, my baby boy was born. When I heard him cry for the first time, I instantly fell in love and immediately became the Mama bear my son needed. After 55 days in the NICU, my son finally came home. When my daughter was born two years later, it was extremely nerve-racking, she was also born early, but since I was thirty-six weeks pregnant, we both left the hospital together.
At twenty years old I had two adorable and healthy kids. Still, I had no clue what I was doing, but every time I looked at their beautiful little faces, I found the strength that I needed to stay strong so I could continue to do my best.
My kids are now seventeen and nineteen. I always imagined that motherhood would get easier as they got older. It doesn’t. In fact, it only gets harder. When they were little, I worried about keeping them safe and healthy. It was easy to make all the decisions for them. As they grew, they developed their own personalities and now they believe they know more than me. They think that I’m always wrong and they both assume they know everything. I now worry about a Million things including decisions they make, about driving and them being peer pressured into something they don’t want to do. They are both young adults now and I pray every single day that they continue on a path to be the strong, smart and responsible young adults I have raised them to be.
Being a mother of two teenagers is tremendously hard. Sometimes I questioned myself as a mother. I often wonder, did I make the right decisions? Should I be more lenient, or am I too strict? Should I not trust them, or do I trust them too much? The One thing I know for sure is even through our ups and downs; I’m extremely proud of them!
There are no words to explain the love I have for my children. I’m incredibly grateful, and I cherish every minute of motherhood, but being a mother is also extremely hard, challenging and overwhelming. I was very young when they were born, that we literally grew up together and because of it, I made tons of mistakes. I’m also thankful for the mistakes because I wouldn’t have grown without them.
Sometimes as a mother, it’s only natural for me to show the beauty of motherhood and not show any rough patches or any vulnerability as to what I go through because I’m afraid to be judge. I have to remind myself that I’m not perfect and It’s totally normal and okay to have a bad day.
I look forward to our next chat.